![]() Then there was Eva Longoria, there to present an award, and whose breasts had decided to part company. It's the color you share with your toilet bowl after a heavy night on the town. Sandra Oh was in orange, described by 'E' as 'the least worn color on the carpet.' Yep. And the last time I saw a gold outfit like Sigourney Weaver's, it was wrapped around my turkey at Thanksgiving. But Cate Blanchett looked more suited to the 'E' pre-ceremony brunch, where guests appeared to have raided Target for their outfits.įlorence Pugh looked as if she'd forgotten to take her black swimsuit off before having a run-in with a duvet. Mindy Caling looked stunning in a Vera Wang white dress, which was swapped for the black version when she presented an award. There were notable exceptions, of course. They were all 'incredible', 'amazing', as were their outfits. Well, it was more of an adjectival spewing up. If they rise any higher, girls, they're going to be sitting atop your heads like a pair of Mickey Mouse ears. I've seen more attractive funeral homes.Ĭheekbones were so pronounced, they looked in danger of swallowing heads whole – yes, I'm talking to Melissa McCarthy, Sigourney Weaver, Cate Blanchett and others here. The carpet was at best beige, at worst, urine yellow, and lacked the dramatic impact of red, which also shows up the frocks and tuxes much more effectively. Laverne Cox was presenting from the red carpet, which this year was Champagne colored, apparently to provide a contrast to the red drapes. On 'E', the four most dreaded words had to be 'Over to you, Laverne.' Struggling to get a view of the stage each side of the humongous monstrosity, the poor showbiz types behind went home with whiplash after three hours of chiffon torture.īefore the ceremony, both ABC (who broadcast the event) and 'E' brought us the usual round of interviews and information about who designed what. Nominated for Best Original Song, Lift Me Up, from Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, she had clearly been eaten by a giant meringue. Dozens couldn't because they were sitting behind Nigerian singer Temilade Openiyi. Of course, that's if you could actually see them. Seriously, they were so pronounced, they looked in danger of swallowing their heads whole – yes, I'm talking to Melissa McCarthy, Sigourney Weaver, Cate Blanchett and others here. Let's face it, we were all tuning in praying for another fight on the Oscars stage to distract us from the annual monotony of worth and woke speeches.īut the fashion horrors – and so much else - made up much of our disappointment.Īs did the leading ladies, who paraded cheeks so mysteriously prominent, they looked as if Novak Djokovic had served a double fault into them.
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